You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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