i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
