I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
