i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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