Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
