Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
