im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
