I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
