I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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