I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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