Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
These tits shall not be calmed
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