i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so that wasnt chicken after all
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
