Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
