Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
