she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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