If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
