There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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