he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
