bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
