I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
