Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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