He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
