No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
