So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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