i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think i got beer on your cat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize