Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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