hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
