and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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