U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
