I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
