btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
