i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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