before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
