And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You're like the curious george of whores
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
