Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
