If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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