I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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