2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
