I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You've changed since you got that strap on
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
