This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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