I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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