my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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