pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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