Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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