Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
