Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
