im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
