so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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