Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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