I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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