Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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