Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
