My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
