your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
