home. puking in laundry basket.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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