I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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