Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
