batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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