I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
