i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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