I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize