the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
