i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
