I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
