Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
