I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
