New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
