i don't like sucking hair
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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