I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
