Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
