I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize