I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
