I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
