I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
