My Higher Power is John Stamos
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
