She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
