I am puke
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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