I want to have your abortion
babies were throwing up all over the place
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
