i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
