so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
