I can't watch pbs sober anymore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
