Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
