you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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