I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
