actually, I'm a sock model
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How naked do you want me to be?
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