I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
