It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
