If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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