I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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