Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize