She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
