It was confusing and full of hummus
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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