Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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