well I can't set my house on fire every night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
